I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
