I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize