Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
