Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So. Much. Porn.
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