yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
