Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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