Ambien. No doubt about it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
