Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize