Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
