sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
