32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
