Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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