Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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