Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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