Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
