Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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