The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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