I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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