don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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