he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize