at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
