Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize