they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I love having hate sex.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
