Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
