Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
