My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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