Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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