I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
