I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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