so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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