he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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