I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize