yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize