Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
