Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
