Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
