ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
