a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
