in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
