So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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