We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
