Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
