idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
