May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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