Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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