I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
