idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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