Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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