I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
