dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
