Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
