the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This baby is an asshole
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
