I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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