i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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