Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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