I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
