I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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