just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
