I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
