I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
