ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
