He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
