I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
