i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
