I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
