so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
