I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
