Apparently you make a good broom.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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