he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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