I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
