don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
