The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
