I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize