The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
